Firestarter
by igotthepower
Summary: Sequel to Growing Pains! Saskia, a girl with strange powers, escaped a violent hunters group ten years ago, and found shelter in a remote part of Rhode Island. After a heated meeting with the Winchesters, Saskia cancels her wedding and leaves Rhode Island, decided to find who she is, where she comes from and how she is linked to Azazel's children. Reviews are very appreciated :)
1. I am myself

Saskia is sit in her living room, waiting for Mike to come home. It's gonna be hard, really hard. The Winchesters left at 7 this morning, and she's been sit on her couch for 1 hour and all she's done is drinking tea and smoke cigarettes. She can't decide what to tell him. The truth? That would destroy everything he knows. Another lie? That would be disrespect.

With a lie, he can start over. If she just tells him "I was wrong about the wedding, i want to call it off. I'm unstable, I don't deserve you" well that kind of it's-not-you-it's-me crap, he can find someone else. He can go back to his high school sweetheart Jessie Carpenter who still loves him. His mom will say we all knew this poor Saskia was a troubled mind.  
If she tells him the truth, on the other hand, she will tell him that basically, all his childhood fears are real. That the world might be destroyed in a near future. And that she might be a demon-blooded monster, since she can set people on fire.

And what about you darling, how was your day?

Does she also have to confess she had sex with another man on this couch? That she was angry, afraid, needed comfort, and he was there, raw, direct, strong, scarred and sick, everything Mike's not, and that she wanted to drown in that, just for a few minutes? She couldn't look at the older Winchester after that. He still gave her his friend Garth's phone number, promising he would call him and ask him to give her all the infos she needed. He was nice, this Dean Winchester, he bears a special kind of burden, that pain so many hunters have.

But she can't see him again, not now anyway. That awakens bad memories and a certain Stockholm syndrom she's really not proud of.

The keys. She hears Mike's keys. Normally, she would be smiling and running towards him, but she can't move from the couch.

- Hi baby where are you? I brought you back some...Saskia? God what happened?

Mike is worried. The living room is filled with smoke, and Saskia is sit in almost foetal position, not moving, not saying hi, her expression is terrible. He runs to her, takes away her cigarette and her bowl, and then holds her hands, trying to catch her gaze.

-Saskia? Answer me you're scaring me!

She has to say something. But the words don't come out. She still hasn't figured what to tell him. What do i tell him?

- I...I have to tell you something.  
- Yes, yes i'm listening, what happened?  
- I want to be honest with you...But, but...I don't wanna hurt you...  
- You won't hurt me honey. Tell me! Did someone hurt you? Mrs Granger told me you had people over last night, did they...  
- No! No they're...friends. They're...

And then everything starts to come out. She said the word "hunters", and it lead to what's a hunter. To how she knows what it is. To everything. To Mama. To Rick, Logan, Pivnik, Lou. The ghosts, the monsters, the curses. She talks, talks, and talks, and keep staring at the ground because she knows if she meets his eyes she won't be able to go on. After minutes, hours, she doesn't know, she stops, and finally looks at him. He's pale. He's devastated.

- I'm so sorry...All these years i wanted to protect you, I wanted to be the girl you deserved...  
- No...uh...I'm the one who's sorry. I never thought...I never thought you went through so much, I never saw that...in you.

He's feeling guilty, that's so him.

- I'm a master of desguise, you know.  
- But I should have seen, I mean...  
- No, no...I was...trained to lie. There's no way you could have guessed...I'm sorry I'm not...the person you thought I was...  
- Saskia I...

He has tears in his eyes.

- I'm just starting to...process...what you told me...It's madness! Saskia you...have a really big problem!  
- What?  
- I know you've been through hell and back, in your foster homes but...making up an imaginary world won't make it go away.

Ok, denial.

- I will get you some help honey, I sware. We'll overcome it. I'll support you, i'll find you a good therapist.  
- I'm not sick, Mike.  
- Honey, you don't have superpowers. Ghosts, monsters...that doesn't exist! You've been abused, obviously you've been terribly abused, and Nan should have taken you to a doctor instead of keeping you here because...  
- Nan understood me.

Saskia rises from the couch. She can't let him walk on Nan's memory. And she doesn't need help, not that kind actually. She was right. He was a good guy, but there's no way he can understand.

- I don't blame you, Mike. And i really care for you, I want you to be happy. I want you to have a normal life.  
- Saskia don't...  
- I know you mean well. But I'm leaving North Kingston, tonight.  
- And what about...  
- You'll find a good girl here, someone you can trust, someone sane...

Mike rises too, and comes towards her, holding her shoulders.

- You're not yourself. Saskia, please, take a pill and have a good sleep, you look exhausted. We'll talk again in the morning and will try to work this out. Ok?  
- Ok fine.

You're wrong, I'm myself for the first time in years she thought, looking at him walking out her house. I had never noted how obnoxious he could be. I had never noted he treated me like a child. Maybe I liked it? Now I don't. Anyway. He's making it easier.

She just has to pack now, and leave. Find that dirtbag Pivnik.


	2. Now, drive

It's not that easy, to leave North Kingston. Saskia wants to say goodbye to everyone. She wants to explain what she was doing, but she can't.

That was really complicated. She loves this place, her house, her shop. It is her home. But with the wedding cancelled, she doesn't feel like it's going be easy to come back. She doesn't know how long she'll be gone, she doesn't know what she's going to learn. But something inside her tells her that she has just reached another part of her life which North Kingston is not a part. Moving on. Like they say.

She has always hated this "move on" motto that everyone say whenever you lose someone, or something. She's always thought you have the right to be sad and depressed when something sad and depressing happens. You have the right to linger over things you should let go. People would not be people if they were that rationnal. When Nan died, people told her to "move on", maybe a month after her funeral. She was still adjusting so she didn't tell them to fuck off, insensitive pricks. But she thought it. She really, strongly did.

So maybe she can just close the house, close the shop, and say she's taking a vacation. Everybody will understand. But before she leaves, she has to do something.

Mike's house is a few minutes walking away. She's not very proud of what she's going to do, but she needs to do it. She can't leave him with everything she told him, and she doesn't want him telling everyone she's crazy. Erasing and replacing memories is dark magic, but hey, maybe she's a demon so, she certainly plays with a different set of rules.

When Mike opens the door, he seems relieved to see her looking so normal, smiling, the girls she usually is. He invites her in, she asks for a cup of coffee. Blushes, say "I hope you didn't talk about what I told you earlier to anyone", he says he didn't, he lies. He always frowns a little when he does. Nicole is probably freaking out right now.

She catches his hand, and pronounce the spell. His eyes become blurry.

- Do you hear me?

- Yes...

- Listen carefully, I want you to forget everything I told you this morning. Everything I told you about my life, about hunters.

- Allright...

- And I want you to remember this instead. You came to me this morning because you want to call off the wedding.

- Why? I love you...

She feels tears in her eyes. Be strong.

- I know. But you're not sure anymore, you want some time to think. So this morning we had a fight.

- A fight...

- Yes. And in 1 hour, you will come to my house, to apologize.

- Yes.

- Before you go, you will call your mother and tell her you lied.

- I lied...

- You didn't dare to tell her you didn't want to get married.

- She's gonna be mad...

- Yes, and she will tell you to go and apologize.

- Ok...

- But i'll be gone.

- Gone?

- Yes. You will be sad, for a few days, because I won't answer my phone. But in 2 weeks, you will see Jessie Carpenter.

- Jessie...

- And you will remember how much you loved her. You will think that actually, you still do. That she's a healthy, down to earth, nice girl.

- She is...

- And you will date her.

- I will.

- Good. Now i'm leaving. If anyone asks you, I came to ask for my house's keys.

- Ok.

Saskia feels a little bad. She make him the bad guy, only to be able to come back. But he'll get through it. And Jessie is indeed a good girl who will be more than happy to be his new fiancée.

Back to her house, her first move is to call that Garth dude. A not very manly voice answers the phone

- This is Garth!

- Uh...Hi Garth this is Saskia Jager.  
- ...

- Has Dean Winchester called you?

- Yes...yes he...did. I'm uh...

- I'm not angry at you Garth. You did what you thought was right to protect a friend. I'm not mad, I sware.

Suddenly Garth's voice sounds relieved.

- Oh! Good then! Yeah i was a little worried you know with...what you can do, and all...But Dean told me you were a nice girl so, hum...You want Pivnik's phone number right?

- Not exactly, I want to know where he is. Have you ever seen him?

- No, not in person. Actually he called me when I was investigating about you, you know, I called a few people who called other people, who called...Anyway, in the end that Pivnik called me, and told me he knew you.

- So?

- So he said he doesn't hunt anymore, he's a cab driver, in New York.

- New York is a big city.

- I think he mentionned having a website.

- With his real name?

- I guess.

- Stupid as ever...Ok, thank you Garth.

- Uh...Saskia?

- Dean told me you had your reason to find that guy, that he...wronged you, that's what he said. So...i don't know exactly what you intend to do but...

- I won't kill him.

- Ah ok good!

He is nice that Garth. A little childish though. It's suprising he's still alive. Did the hunter's world changed that much in ten years?

The drive to New York was nice, pleasant. It had been a very long time since she last drove so long. Pivnik's website was a real joke. She hadn't seen such an ugly website in years. But it was quite convenient, since she was able to book his taxi for getting her at the airport, under the name Ellen Hunt. Hahaha.

She parked at the airport and now she's waiting outside. She wears sunglasses and her brown halloween wig. When Pivnik parks, she feels suddenly a little...afraid? As if Logan was going to pop out of the car. Breathe. He hasn't changed. He's still fat, maybe a little fatter, he still looks like a coward. He's sweating.

He comes to her, running on his little fat legs.

- Ms Hunt? Hi! Franck Pivnik, sorry I'm late, you know the traffic...

She doesn't answer, she hands him her bag over and sits in the car. Pivnik comes back and ask where he's supposed to bring her. Suddenly, he feels a gun on the side of his belly. He hears

- Somewhere private. Where we can talk.

That voice. He would recognize it anywhere.

- S..Sss...Saskia?

She takes of her wig and glasses. He looks miserable.

- Hi Franck. Now drive.


	3. I won't fail you

Pivnik drove in silence. He was terrified. Saskia's eyes were cold and full of despise. They weren't yellow yet, but still. She told him to drive, just drive. He was driving aimlessly, until she suddenly told him to stop and park. They were in the middle of nowhere, outside of the city, on a lonely parking lot. Saskia went outside to smoke 2 minutes ago.

Saskia feels like laughing. That pig is so scared! So scared after ten years! She must have been really scary back then. Oddly enough, she's quite proud. Holding her old gun feels good, she can't defend herself with fire yet, she could blow up the car. Now's time to go back to that car, buy that coward a coffee and see what he has to say.

- Get out.  
- Saskia...please don't kill me! I'm sorry for everything I've done!  
- Shut up. I just want to talk to you. Scaring you was just a...little painless revenge. There's a dinner on the other side of the road, if you promise not to escape I can buy you coffee, and you'll tell me everything I want to know.  
- Uh...okay then...

The dinner was quite terrible. That was kind of a reminder of her hunter's years, when they were going from crappy dinner to crappy motels. Pivnik sat, visibly uneasy, and Saskia ordered two coffees and two cookies.

- So Frank...you sent two hunters on my back, you know that?  
- Uh...what? No! What are you talking about?

He looked genuinely surprised.

- No one called you to ask questions about me?  
- Oh my...Oh my God! Yes, someone did...A hunter I met a few years ago...I don't hunt anymore but a friend's friend had had a problem and uh...  
- Don't care Franck.  
- Yeah so that guy called me and asked about you. I said you were...  
- Half witch and half demon?

Pivnik was red and sweating.

- Not...not really...Not like that. He wanted me to call a guy who asked questions about you uh..Garth...Or Gerald...He said one of his friends wanted to know if you were a hunter and I said...  
- Yeah, don't care. You see Frank, I know my mother was a witch, but for the demon part...I mean Logan was always calling me "devil", but I'd always thought it was just an insult. So, is it? Or do you know something?  
- Can I say something first?  
- Sure.

The waitress comes with their order. She's nice but she chews her chewing gum with her mouth open. Pivnik takes a sip of his coffee and tries to calm his voice down. He has to say it.

- I'm sorry for not having helped you.  
- Well...that's a little late.  
- Please, let me finish. I quit hunting the night you...Not because you scared me to death, you did, but uh...What I mean is...I witnessed everything you went through and...maybe you don't remember or maybe you think it was nothing but I tried...I tried to make things a little better for you.

Really? Thinks Saskia. She must look really sarcastic right now because Pivnik is getting even redder.

- L...like with the food. I always gave you some of mine, because Logan...Logan always gave you such a small amount and uh...I know it's not much compared to...And I would have liked to do more...The clothes too...I used to buy you clothes, he didn't want to...  
- Thank you.  
-What? No don't thank me, said Pivnik, with an awkward smile.

Apparently he doesn't get sarcasm.

- I was trying to make your life a little less...terrible. I know I was an adult and I should have done something. I thought sometimes about taking you away, but...we would have had everyone, the whole crew chasing us...You have no idea how precious you were to them...  
- You thought about taking me away? you?  
- Yeah I know how it sounds...Me, the fat guy, saving the little girl from...I know. But...that's going to sound cheasy and stupid but you know I...I loved your mother.  
-What?!  
- I did. I really did. She was a very brave, and very gentle woman. I had always lived in Rick's shadow you know. I met him when I was 18, he was 20 but already very strong. Anyway I was a good for nothing dropout then and...I became his friend, a hunter, someone living epic things.

He looks like a little boy, she thought, an old little boy.

- When we met you two, I fell in love with your mom, instantly...Don't look at me like that, I know it seems cheesy but it's true. When they died I promised to myself that I would try to protect you. I felt strong with Rick around, but alone, I was still that 18 year old doormat. I failed to do it. I failed you, I failed Leni...

Oh God he's not gonna cry is he?

- Uh ok Frank...I get it, you loved my mom and you tried to protect me...  
- I was always thinking that one day I would find the strength to escape with you, but I couldn't. That night...when Logan...did what he did I...thought, what do I do? Do I stay and participate to a crime? Or do I leave?  
- You were leaving that night? That was why you were not around? You were leaving me behind. Nice.  
- No I wasn't! I was preparing the car, I was waiting for everyone to be asleep. That's why I had to take you to him, he said he wanted to see you. So I thought, I'm just gonna pack my stuff, and hers, and we'll go away when they sleep.

He wanted to save her. Saskia can't believe it. It doesn't seem like he's lying though.

- And then the fire started, and I saw you...getting out of it...unburnt...like this queen of that TV show...  
- Daenarys Targaryen?  
- Yes but way creapier!...sorry...You were laughing and...well you probably remember.  
- I do. But I was amnesic for 6 months.  
- You were? Anyway I thought...they turned you into a monster. That's what your mom was most afraid of.  
- Ellen was afraid I would turn into a monster?  
- Yes...thus the tattoo. She was trying to protect you from that. I'm sorry but...when I saw you I thought...It was over, that you would never go back to normal. So I ran...I ran away...  
- And when that guy asked about me...  
- I said you were dangerous because I thought...you were still like this but uh...now that i've seen you...you look...good. Healthy.

Healthy must me a compliment in the hunters world.

- Thanks. So, why did my mother was afraid I would turn into something evil?  
- I don't know exactly. She said something happened when you were a baby, and that now your blood was corrupt.  
- Corrupt? That sounds like...a deal.  
- That's what I've always thought. I think your mother made a deal that involved you. And she died when the demon she made a deal with came to claim her soul. I don't know what the deal was about but it clearly gave you your...fire.

That really sounds like Dean's brother's story.

- Did Logan know about it?  
- Rick and I knew. Logan didn't. I'm sorry but he was just uh...insulting you. I guess he found out by himself your powers were not only witchcraft. He was mostly jealous.  
- He never knew...  
- No. I never told him. It could have made him nuts.  
- It sure could have.  
- Oh uh...i have things that belong to you.  
- Things? What things?  
- A little booklet that belonged to your mom...There's not much in it, a few names and a few...poems.  
- She wrote poetry?  
- Yes, beautifully. I still read it...sometimes...

This is so cliché.

- I had some clothes too, but i didn't keep them. I kept your chilhood photos though.  
- I have...chilhood photos?  
- You do. Do you want to go to my place to take them? They're yours.  
- I still don't trust you Frank.

Pivnik looks miserable. It feels weird to see how insignificant someone actually is when you spent years hating that person.

- Saskia...I don't blame you for that...I really don't. You know...Logan...wasn't always like that, I mean...I saw him for the first time when he was a few minutes old. He turned like this when Ava, his mom, died. Rick was always so...hard on him...  
- What did she die from?  
- Breast cancer...She had had one before he was born, and the pregnancy restarted it...She died when he was 9. And Rick...always blamed the poor kid.  
- Rick blamed him for his mother's death?  
- Kinda. He was unable to love his son. Unable...That's why Logan was so jealous of you, you had a mother and his father loved you, in his own way...

Saskia tries to imagine Logan as a little boy, lonely, unloved. That doesn't excuse what he did, of course but...she had always felt that in him, that anger, that loneliness. That despair.

- When Rick died I remained with him because I thought maybe he would change back to the kid he used to be...But he got worse...  
- You thought you could help him too?  
- Yeah...but I'm quite a failure if you hadn't already noticed...

Maybe she can give him a shot. Try to trust a little bit. Try to forgive. And she really wants to see those pictures.

- So are we going yet?  
- Going where?  
- To your place. To get my stuff.  
- Uh yeah! Let's go!

Pivnik didn't show her but in his car, he has a picture of Leni he stole in Rick's RV a long time ago. When he's stuck in the traffic, he passes the time looking at it, imagining the life they could have had.

This time I won't fail you, Leni.


End file.
